A Rumination of One's Own

You’ve asked me here today to... explain my situation, I guess.

When people hear that I’m my own therapist, they usually laugh. That's a great start, laughter is useful in my approach. Well, first they laugh, then they worry and feel sorry for me, but then they wonder how that would actually work and if they can do it, too. At this point, I know the process well. I've led it and followed it, at the same time. I can't be sure that you can do it as well, but if I can—and I've been told I'm quite good—I'll try my best to help you get there.

Here's my way of looking at it: I have the half of my brain that is rational, knows what I need, and can observe the situation with objectivity. The other half is the one acting up, trying to communicate through negative thoughts and destructive behaviours, but doesn’t necessarily know the best way to go about it because of, you know, childhood, trauma, beliefs, insecurities, fears, etc. It’s just about engaging those two parts of my brain in a conversation with each other, and that’s something we all know how to do. Think of a conversation you had recently. Now, pretend the other person in't there, but you just keep going. That's right, just keep talking. You'll naturally start filling in the other side, because an awkward silence with yourself gives a little too much time to think about how you ended up here. The trick is to separate the voices. When I talk to myself, it’s dissociative. I'm me, talking to you (me). You is me, as in, “You’re a failure”. Me, I’m the failure. There are already two me’s existing—the dumb idiot who’s really shitting the bed, and the self-aware sophisticate who is capable of helping the other one. They’re both me. Except the second one, that’s not really me, because I’m the one who needs help. So, it’s like a me that I’ve created in order to help me become the me I need to be.

It's so organic that it basically doesn't need to be explained. It’s going back and forth, it’s listening, talking, and knowing exactly what to say because, well, I’m gonna know if it’ll work or not. Unless I trick myself, but that’s why I keep one step ahead. I—the me who’s not me—know what I’m doing.

Now that we've got the basic concept down, you're probably asking, how does it actually work? How do you get results? Okay, how does your therapist set goals for you? It’s the same thing. We have core beliefs and practices that challenge them. What is it that you need, and how do we meet those needs? Take my client for example. For confidentiality, let's call her Diana. Diana believes she has to prove herself by doing things alone, without asking for help. I told Diana that next time she is having difficulty with a task, to reach out to someone she trusts for advice, and see how that makes her feel about doing the task afterwards. More capable than if she tried to power through, solo? It's important for Diana to get out of herself in those moments, not solely rely on her own mind. Otherwise, she will keep feeling stuck and, therefore, less convinced of her abilities but equally dependent on them to save her

You must sit down with yourself and create a list of tools that you can draw upon to combat these false beliefs. As a patient, make sure these are uncomplicated and practical methods that are easy to use. As a therapist, be wary of other you trying to simplify a structure that they will find any excuse to avoid. This is the tough part because you have to constantly remind yourself of these tools, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm forgetful. Sometimes, actually, I mix up the bad behaviour with the constructive tool. I do the thing I'm not supposed to do, because one of me tells the other me it's helping, and the me listening can't remember who's talking and at some point you gotta throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks, right? Since I've worked closely with myself, this is something that we're actively trying to differentiate, and we will, once I figure out which is which. One of me definitely knows.

The best part about it? The access. I am always available. That's not something I'm going to get with another therapist. It's late and I need help? Alright, let's unpack it right here, right now, in bed, on the toilet, wherever. I want to hear what I'm feeling in real time. That helps me do my best, most powerful work. Let's capture these emotions as they're happening. I mean, it's true that when I get really down, I'm not always in the mood to be there for someone, even myself—especially myself. But I’m going to tell you what I told me: you need to show up for yourself if you want to grow. There's legitimately no other option, because you're not getting therapy anywhere else, so you better rise to the occasion or else nothing is going to happen.

The choice is yours. Stop waiting and start being exactly what you need: you. Not the you who's in crisis, but the better you. It's very important know which one will guide you to success. If you confuse them, you’re probably not going to realize it until you’re set in your ways and by that point, therapy may have very little or even an adverse effect. You may not even realize you have the ability to be your own therapist. Interestingly enough, this could be a sign that you have evolved beyond the need for therapy altogether. This is a major step in the self-self-help journey, or a dire derailment in progress. That assessment will be up to your practitioner—if you know who that is.

There are a million reasons not to do something, but someone who knew what they were doing once told me, "Trust that you know what you’re doing." Who knows you better than yourself? No one. The only thing standing between you and happiness is you, which is nothing, because you’re standing in the same place. You can do anything you set your mind to, but you should be the one to tell you that.